i think my tv is drunk
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize