for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
