I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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