I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
