Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
