your room smells of hookers.
And success
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
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