he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
