they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
