I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
