If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
