The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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