So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
