I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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