I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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