Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
