went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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