The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
