my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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