Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i think i just lost a toe
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize