the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
