Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
