Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
