I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She bit a glass in half.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
