i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
