Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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