she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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