why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
