around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We don't watch enough power rangers
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
