your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
