She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
3 2 1 whiskey
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
