ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
