i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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