New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
