If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
