I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
bring money and cleavage
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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