Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
