he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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