she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
