ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
