Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
