I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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