Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
