i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
