You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
