I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
