I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
