im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
