Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
