I think I died a long time ago.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
