Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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