i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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