I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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