i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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