You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
What drink are we having for lunch?
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She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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