my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
