I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
