good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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