how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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