I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
