Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
