It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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