Will you blow on my dice?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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