yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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