She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
