i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
