In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Found the puke drawer
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
