I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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