Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Randomize