K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
