The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
