When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
