Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
