she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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