I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
