Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I did not marry a roomba.
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