pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
