I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
