Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
