he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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