I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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