Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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