similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
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IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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