i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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